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How to Eliminate Negative Self-Talk
By Molly's Brother | December 21, 2007
Each month, I will take a look at a topic and explore it over the course of the four weeks. Each Friday, there will be a new post in the series. In a lead-up to the New Year, throughout December we will explore “Self Talk: Positively Powerful.”
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Negative self-talk, if unchecked, can be a paralyzing reality. Negative thoughts will infect nearly every single aspect of your life and it will have a profound effect on how you handle your finances. Thankfully, psychological research shows that, through work, there are many different techniques that you can use to mitigate the negative self-talk. Through lessening the intensity and frequency of these “bad” thoughts, you will be able slip in and create more positive thoughts. More positive thoughts will absolutely lead to a more positive attitude towards your life and your money.
Here are five simple techniques to employ to lessen negative self-talk:
1. Stop it.
When negative thoughts come into your mind, stop them dead in their tracks. Once you realize what you are doing, stop the train of thought. Do not carry it out. Do not linger on the ideas. Think of something–anything–else. Previously, you may think, “I will always be poor. I will always be in debt.” Now, when that thought comes into your mind, it could sound like this, “I will always be…Stop it! Think about something else. I need a drink of water.”
2. Label it.
Sometimes, it is equally as important for us to recognize what we are doing in the moment, even if we employ the first technique. In this second technique, we should try labeling the thoughts and labeling what is happening. In response to those thoughts about “always being poor,” you should simply respond, “Ahh. Look what you’re doing. Your thoughts are limiting your own success.”
3. Flip it.
Each person has a different approach in their relationship to themselves. For some people, flipping the thought to the exact opposite might be an extremely useful exercise. So, instead of “I will always be poor,” replace it with “I will be wealthy.” This technique is incredibly potent in ridding negative self-talk and powerful in changing your life.
4. Ignore it.
You’ve lived your entire life with these thoughts plaguing your mind. Imagine the impact they have had over your life. Imagine the power you’ve given to these thoughts. Imagine how limiting they have been. Try a new technique and simply ignore the thoughts. Ignore them. Once they come into your mind, recognize that it is your thought it, but that it nothing more than a thought.
5. Exaggerate it.
For some, blowing the thoughts out of proportion and making them absolutely ridiculous renders them completely ineffective. “I will always be poor” becomes “I will always be poor. In fact, I will be so poor that I will be the poorest person in the world. I will have so much credit card debt that people would think I was wealthy. I will have over 3.4 million dollars in credit card debt–all on one card!” (Interestingly enough, the ridiculousness of writing that sentence even made that clause “I will always be poor” totally empty.)
Try this out. Play with it. Have fun with it. Soon, you will figure out that your negative self-talk will lose its effectiveness, clearing the way for you to concentrate on developing positive, creative, and constructive thought patterns.
Topics: Monthly Series |
December 27th, 2007 at 5:44 pm
I’d like to add one that I’ve not seen elsewhere (i.e., I made it up) that works really well for me:
6. Thank it.
If you’re thinking to yourself after the office holiday party, “You made a total ass of yourself you stupid idiot, freak, worthless …”, try countering with an internal and sincere “thank you”. Keep saying “thank you” (while trying to FEEL it), and look for the part you actually ARE thankful for. In the above example I might sense there is a tiny bit of my internal rant that I can appreciate, without knowing what it is. I keep sending a sincere “thank you” until it emerges more fully. For instance, while I don’t like the words I’m saying (idiot, freak, etc), I DO like that there is a part of me that CARES whether I do well or not. I truly AM thankful for that.
Once I identify a part I CAN be thankful for, I focus on that. Eventually that “good” message (’I care whether or not you do well’) replaces the “bad” one (’you idiot’).
It actually can be a quite profound feeling, to feel sincere gratitude for something that five minutes ago I was cringing about.
Some examples might be: I can sometimes be very angry with my spouse, to the point it becomes internally toxic. By thanking my inner rant, I realize that the sheer fact of my anger tells me I’m a living, passionate human being - and I’m thankful for that. Or I get frustrated with my career path and frequent mistakes. By thanking it instead, I realize that my “wandering” behavior validates and important part of myself that I care deeply about.
Note that this process doesn’t change the outer world: my wife doesn’t change her behavior, I still have career issues, my colleagues still snicker at me. But at least my own mind is in a stance of gratitude rather than resentment or embarrassment, and perhaps that greater sense of acceptance gives me a little more room to make real change.
December 28th, 2007 at 1:11 am
Luke–
What an excellent thought! It’s another great way to keep things in perspective. “Thank it.” I really like that idea, as it really does tell us that we still care about our actions and our thoughts. Hopefully, by paying attention to them this way, we will be able to mitigate the negative thoughts/behaviors. Excellent.
Thank you for the comment.
December 28th, 2007 at 8:02 pm
Tip #5 kind of threw me for a second - but the more I thought about it the more I liked it. The thing is, I think it requires a sense of humour, or the ability to laugh at oneself, to have any insurance of working. I know people whose negative self talk leads to skyrocketing out of reasonable proportion, but aren’t able to see it as anything but a further indictment of themselves. Sad, but true. The good news is, I’m getting pretty good at laughing at myself sometimes!
Jerry